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Carpe Diem 6/6/2005
The Carpe Diem philosophy seems to be the main purpose of this "common secret diary". Along with it, the idea of having only one life, hence the necessity not to waste it, to enjoy it as much as possible, for we have no other one. Saying that is, to my mind, is like saying God exists-or does not exist. We currently have no clue whether the statement is true or not, then we may not claim it aloud as the truth, and use it as a basis for reflexion. Discussing the Carpe Diem philosophy requires the acceptation and study of both possibilities. Then, we may move on to the statementy in itslef: "Carpe Diem", means "Pick the Day",in other words enjoy every instant of your life. In times of great sadness and despair, I thought a lot about it. I found it interesting, of course, it was not a mere statement hammered out by a happy few as a justification for their personnal pleasure. I don't remember where it comes from. But let's move on to the words: "pick": pick what exactly? So many times, in these awful times, I wondered what was actually enjoyable, for everything around me was the proof of my unhappiness, my many mistakes. "So much I have under my eyes, andf I can't take it". Is that what I am to enjoy? Of course not, the thing in itself is very little enjoyable. But then, the followers of that bright idea have another good reason: "It could be far worse, just look around a bit further [further than your nose, the TV screen at 8.00pm]-overworked children in asia, who barely live on, or those sent to the war without them knowing why, those who..." There are actually lots of reasons to enjoy your situation, by comparing it to others'. I agree, these people have reasons to complain, and may be forgiven, if not applying to the Carpe Diem. However, the excess of it is dangerous: it's somewhat denying sadness, and all such, refusing to admit its existence. On the left page of this diary is written "[life] is, all the same filled with so much love and happiness". From which point of view, please? Mine has been filled with fear, despair, sadness, and it is still partly so. Some instants arent actually enjoyable, even though far less harmful than soldiers-children's situation. living is not necessarily enjoyable for everyone, it looks for some unworthy, uninteresting. I wondered many times "What the hell am i doing here? -A great loss of time, to my mind. I'd feel far better elsewhere, in another world maybe. This is no place for me." But where to go, then? It most often looks to be no place on Earth, hence the will to leave, to flee. death most often appears as the quickest way to do so. The trouble with death is not always, to my mind, that it is the end of life. It is by the way a natural event. Young people who kill themselves are often reproached for making the biggest mistake of their life, for they leave when it's too early to. I criticise those who leave without having made sure that they hyad no other issue than death, no way to make it through their life whatsoever. I am currently in search of the reasons that would justify my presence in here, and keep me from leaving before it is time. I have found several, and I don't know ho long they will be good enough to stay. When the reasons to leave will be more numerous than those to stay, then I shall go off. Any such departure is justified, thus may be respected. A hasty departure, in the contrary, is intrisically bad, for it lack thinking-and may then prove, indeed, a great mistake.
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